Friday, December 18, 2009

A Heritage of the Lord

So we're sitting around the house last night about to build a fire and Paul has a large flat piece of wood that he's chopping up for kindling. Jaecob grabs it and a pencil and is engrossed for at least an hour. Finally he turns the board around to unveil his masterpiece. Being a mom AND knowing that I'm biased... the critic in me is floored! I couldn't believe that he drew with such attention to detail and perspective. WOW! I was amazed, then, at WHAT he drew; it was a battle scene complete with a castle in the background and an armored man in the forefront battling a fire-breathing dragon. The man had a sword and shield and on his breastplate was the letter "J." I assumed it was for "Jaecob."

It most certainly was not.

It was for Jesus. Across the top of the picture was written, "The Armour of the Lord."

As a mother, my heart swells with pride, amazement and humbleness as a child of 9 is able to bring me back to the blessings that are in my life right now! Nine years ago I gave birth to a child who is a vessel for the Lord. Just like that song "the child you delivered one soon deliver you," although Jaecob is not my deliverer, the Lord uses the small, the weak, to do mighty things!

As we prepare for Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ, this year has been filled with some heartaches and tough times, but it doesn't matter.

What matters is what I am doing for the Kingdom and how I am raising the gift, the HERITAGE that I have been entrusted with on this earth. I'm not perfect (will never claim that title) but my prayer is that I will one day hear the words "well done, child."

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Sleep in heavenly peace

CD1 (although last cycle was a BEAUTIFUL dip on 8DPO)
So it's back to the drawing board on TTC. Fertility Friend has 21 documented cycles for me, my serious stint in 2006-2007 and nothing and then 2009's try.

How do you not be mad? I know my Lord and Savior has a plan for my life, what in the world makes me think that I know any better than He? Why can I not find solice in His arms and with his plan? Why am I so discontent? Scriptures abound of the promises made for ME. Specifically me and how He has a plan for me (and for you too, do you know Him? Do you know His plan for you?) and my life, how he'll never foresake me.... You know all those reprimands (spankings too) that you received from your parents when you went against their wishes. They punished because they wanted to guide you in the right direction. Not that I believe God is punishing me by any stretch of imagination! I do know that HE knows my plan and it just might be that it does not include another child. It just might. I don't want to wallow in pity because that's POINTLESS and I do know THAT is not His plan for me. Rather, I request your prayers as I come to a peaceful state of mind if His answer to me is definitively "no."

At least this Christmas season I will find myself at a family Christmas party where no one is least not that I know of. Hmm...didn't think about anyone making an announcement. There's only one that I can think of who would even come close but I don't anticipate it. Oh well. No matter... peace, right?

Friday, December 11, 2009


Several months ago my favorite radio program, Rick & Bubba ( did a radio-thon for WorldVision. WorldVision sets up shop in different areas of the world and relies heavily on donor support for children in those areas. They bring the Word of God to them and help develop medical clinics, water wells and other basic life necessities to the communities. I'd been led to "adopt" one of these kids last year and I neglected to act. This year I couldn't avoid that burden placed on my heart--and you know when the Lord says go, you go. So this beautiful young lady became a part of our lives. Her name is Ledjana and she is from Albania. She has an older sister, Lorjana and a younger brother Florjan. Florjan is a very sick little boy and their family worries for him daily. Their mother is a home-maker and their father is out of work. Things are very hard on this family but I've already received my first letter from her and they are all very excited to have someone in the states that cares for them. I have to be really careful in what I sent to her because some countries do not have the freedom of religion like I am so blessed to have. I know that her country is free, however, they are predominately of Muslim makeup. It is not something I've asked.
She shares Jaecob's birthday which is really cool for him, but she's 11 years old--I guess 12 now. Anyway, as you pray, please remember her family in your prayers... 1) for healing for her brother, 2) sustainment for their mother in her care for him, 3) that her father would find a job that would have a positive family impact and 4) that the love of our Lord and Savior be surrounding this family and that they would be accepting of His most precious gift: Salvation.

Charting Right Along...

So I've re-upped my subscription to Fertility Friend and I'm charting BBT. It is SO fascinating to see the temperature changes throughout cycles. I'm a data freak though, I understand that's a little weird for some folks. But I've earned my "charting certificate" now and have proudly posted it on my blog.

Got an email from my most dearest of friends the other day after I posted the last quips. You know, I try not to complain when I think of her story. Eleven (YES, ELEVEN) YEARS of infertility, broken hearts, numerous tears, uplifted prayers, failed fertility treatments, etc. And once she laid down her burden it was just like Hannah's petition to the Lord to open her womb, my dear friend conceived. No meds, no treatments, it was the full work of God. He showed his miraculous blessings and demonstrated his power to make things happen when we least expect it. This person knows the true meaning of defeat and gracious miracles.

That being said, I know that the Lord is at work here! I pray that my endurance withholds as I wait for Him, or become at peace with His answer. Until then I lift up my prayers to Him, hoping that He doesn't get tired of hearing me...

How about a positive pregnancy test for a Christmas gift (and of course the subsequent blessing of a happy, healthy full term baby --Girl or Boy, who cares?!).

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A Child is Born..... or not.

We just celebrated Jaecob's 9th birthday. He's on his way to double digits!! Which also means that we are entering into year 6 of infertility. I don't know that there is anyone in my family who knows that we've been trying to have another child for six years... but there are some family who happen upon this blog from rare time to time. It's not that it's a just really hate to tell your family that you are trying for another and then something like this happen; where we've been trying for six years. It's been active on our part but we just recently sought out medical assistance. It's just easier when your family members don't know so they won't ask you "how's that working out?" or "what's the latest?"

But--this whole online diary thing... might be a good outlet. Not sure, but I'm thinking my hubby is really getting tired of the obsession. And since I have no faithful followers I doubt very seriously that many folks will read this. :)

A little history. Jaecob was born in 2000. Not planned, but defintely part of God's plan. I used Mirena (IUD) as soon as I could post-Jaecob. In 2003 we decided to have it removed to try for #2. We figured since Jaecob came along without any issues then #2 wouldn't be difficult at all either. I wouldn't say we were obsessed it was a very laid back approach to making this all happen. When we moved into our own home, the reality of home-ownership dropped like a ton of bricks. We then did nothing to prevent pregnancy but did nothing to encourage it either.

Then I just got fed up with it all. I wanted to know what was going on! I had some medical issues I needed to see a physician about so while I was there I told him our story. He told me that was abnormal and that there might be issues going on but the only way to certify the problem was with a surgical procedure. I was more than happy to find out the truth and source of my issues so in July 2009 I had a laparoscopy. I am now 5 months post-lap and feeling well. That puts me at 4 mos TTC post-lap with no success. I had some secondary endometriosis and those issues were resolved, I have a partially blocked fallopian tube on my right side but other than that: unexplained infertility. I'm supposed to return to the physician on Dec. 11, however, I'd like to try 3 more months on my own before getting into any further fertility treatments. I'm only 32, so I don't feel like I'm very pressed for time at this junction. However, I'm not waiting too much longer to exercise my options.

I would love to hear from anyone reading this, just leave me a comment. I thank you in advance and pray that God blesses you as we enter this Christmas season. Yes, indeed: A CHILD IS BORN!

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder and his name shall be called, Wonderful, Counselor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Until then, "I will wait upon the Lord, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in Him." Isaiah 8:17.