Tuesday, May 11, 2010


I know, I know, it's been forever since I updated. I have several things to update one, but as of today I will not elaborate on them. First, we have a new family member, Trooper. He's a MINI-WEENIE :) and he's trouble with a capital "T." I've had several people in the last couple of days mention my blog and when I come on here I see how neglected the thing is. So here's a little fat to chew on with the promise of another update soon--more details, some pictures, etc.

Mainly--I've institued the FLYlady program for my house. I have CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) and it needs to stop! So, as my shiny sink sings to me "I love you" I am fighting down Mt. WashMORE, the angry hotbed of HOTSPOTS and all those pesky little naggings in my brain saying I can't do it.

Phil. 4:13 says I can do ALL things through Christ who strenghtens me... and FLYlady says I can do ANYTHING in 15 minutes.

Whew...I have have 15 minutes and Christ in me so I am INVINCIBLE! :)

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Goodbye, loyal companion(s)

This week has been a tough week. First of all, rewind to last Thursday. My mother tells me Peanut (our mini-daschund of almost 14 years) has reached the point where she needed to make "the decision" to put her down. So I make plans to be off on Friday from work to take her and do it without my mom knowing (this was her request). I received, late Thursday, a call from the "Administration" at my work that I had a mandatory meeting on Friday. I was unable to leave the office in time to get to my mom's house and take the dog for "the procedure." So I'm heartbroken in many different ways. Fast forward to Monday...the dog's leg has swollen ten-fold and it self ruptures. The dog is in major pain, my mother is literally hysterical and cannot get in touch with me (phone fell off table became unplugged and I'm unreachable). I get a series of voicemails at work on Tuesday, Feb. 2nd., "today's the day, you've got to come and get her, something has to be done, she's suffering."

So, I leave work in tears, dreading putting this dog down. This dog was one that my father and I went to purchase against my mother's wishes 14 years ago. My dad died of complications related to Leukemia that SAME year we got Peanut. God works in mysterious ways.

I dug a hole in my mothers back yard (I've never done it before) and buried her companion. Today I got to see the little headstone she purchased and I burst into tears.

My son had a birthday party to go to tonight from 6p-9p and so we rolled up to our house about 8:45 or so... Hubby's on the telephone. I hear him say, "ok, thanks so much, bye." He looks at me, "I have to talk to you, without Jaecob."

Things are serious.

He'd just hung up with our neighbor. Our dog, Tank, was hit by a car earlier in the day and he's been killed.

Um. God works in mysterious ways. I'll be pondering this one for a long time.

On 1/22/2008 I lost my miniature Schnauzer, Cadie, to an illness, she was 9 years old. On 2/28/2008 we lost our chocolate Lab, Mollie to an infection; she was 8 years old. So here we are right at 2 years later mourning the loss of Peanut (13 years old) on 2/2/2010 and Tank (almost 2 years old) on 2/6/2010.

God is in control and He will be my fountain of peace. I may not be able to get off my knees to get to the fountain, so I'll crawl.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Adoption: The NEW Pregnant

Don't you love it?! I certainly do!

WHAT A RELIEF!! Seriously, imagine for a moment with me. Being a woman of child bearing age, longing for a bundle of joy to swoon over yet those arms remain empty. You purchase your subscription to FertiltyFriend (at Christmas, on SALE), you dust off the BBT Thermometer, you realize it needs batteries. You buy a new BBT-T and realize you hate it but you've already started charting and you CANNOT get a new one at this point. You count down days, you psych yourself up for when your OV Watch says 'FERTILE DAY 1" and when it does you hang a hang a sign on the door and change the outgoing answer machine message "Leave us alone for 36 hours." Only to SUFFER through the TWW (two week wait for you who are not TTC--trying to conceive). Then on CD30/15DPO (again, Cycle Day 30, 15 Days Past Ovulation) there's that witch: AF (Aunt Flo).


But... what if?! What if you can avoid all of the headache, hassle, pain, disappointment, hatred of all things "pregnant?" What if?

What if you had a certainty that another child will be a part of your life. One that didn't grow under your heart--but has been growing in it for years before being placed in your home? What joy, what relief, what a blessing?

These are the conversations that took place in my house last night. Praise God in all the Heavens and on Earth. The healing process begins. I can no longer mourn the child that I have not been able to conceive. I pray for the one I know God is developing, maybe even now, I pray for the mother who will find herself in a seemingly impossible situation, I pray for the hurdles we will have to overcome--hurdles which are different from TTC. I pray for the preparation of our lives, our finances, our son and our family. We stand alongside of one another surrounded by our Father in Heaven and walk when he says walk. Our arms are wide open and we anxiously await the directions from our Lord and Savior; whom I know holds me in the palm of His hand.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified; do not be DISCOURAGED, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Friday, January 8, 2010


There are no sweeter words: National Championship...

Unless, of course, you can say it THIRTEEN TIMES!


THIRTEEN, what a lucky number!

Roll Tide, ROLL. 'nuff said.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Domestic Adoption

Hmm... quite different than yesterday's post. It's weighing HEAVY on me: Domestic Adoption. As I posted on FF, not one single pregnancy in more than six years of trying. Granted, for the last year to 18 months I seriously struggled with endometriosis--but still, minus that and you have at LEAST 4 years of trying.

So at what point do you consider adoption, seriously consider adoption? I would love to have an infant, however, a child between the ages of 2 to 4 would be peachy! Paul and I have discussed this about a year ago and we decided that we definitely want Jaecob to remain the oldest. We'd love to have a little girl, but I KNOW that whomever God will send our way will be loved just the same. We could invest money into my body and hope that we would conceive. However, statistically the cards are stacked against us. If we invest money into me and it "doesn't work" then the money is gone---I know it's a chance we take. BUT, if we invest money into an adoption, there will be a wait, but there are thousands upon thousands of kids that are looking for a forever home. Chances are much better... right?

So for those of you who do read this and do pray, please pray for us as we consider our options. There are a lot more stringent "rules" and "red tape" that must be fought through for adoption... but any Joe Blow can become a parent. We'll have to entertain Social Workers and homestudies and right now I have no clue on how we would afford the actual adoption itself, but the Lord will provide and glean knowledge on us. Pray that 2010 is a year of resolution for finances and savings and guidance AND MIRACLES (in any fashion). Heartfelt thanks.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A new year

A new year, a fresh start.

Enter: Year 7 of secondary infertility. I am classified as secondary (and unexplained, btw) infertility. In the hierarchy of infertility I see myself as one of the lowly. I have a child. Period. There are so many who will never experience the joys of pregnancy. I did. I didn't plan it, but God was/IS in control and He planned it. He foresaw that in 2000 I would be given a child and that in 2002-2003 I would try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again and AGAIN for another, to be denied. It's just the way His plan works. He doesn't consult me, doesn't take my cares, needs or wants into consideration--He works out His masterful plan in harmonious accord and only asks that I trust HIM to know what's best for me. How do you argue with God's logic? you don't.

So Jaecob received a Wii Fit Plus for Christmas, so I'm going to get some lbs off this frame and continue to try, naturally, by God's hand--because insurance doesn't cover infertility treatments or Assisted Reproductive Therapy. Viagra? Probably... another battle (and not for me).

As I enter 2010 I have my mustard seed around my wrist and I have faith that, if it be GOD's plan for my life, it will be. I do have faith and can trust that it will not happen until the time is proper. It's the patience I have a problem with.

You probably cannot tell from these posts, but my life is not all consumed with conceiving. I've had a lot of down time between football season and baseball season with Jaecob. I saw that registration will be starting in two weeks for baseball...whew... I NEVER thought I'd say I was looking forward to the distraction of baseball! But I am.